Malta Calling

1. So, are you gonna tell me where Malta is, or do I have to Google it?

The Maltese islands are located a scant sixty miles from the southern coast of Sicily in the Mediterranean Sea, halfway between between the straits of Gibralter to the east and the Bay of Beirut to the west. Tunisia is 150 miles due west; Libya is 180 miles due south. For geo-buffs: you can find us at 35' 50 N, 14' 35 E.

2. Does Malta have running water, indoor plumbing, and electricity?

Er-- yes, Malta has running water, flushing toilets with American Standard-style commode, and even bidets. Electricity  has been around since around the time Tom Edison invented the light bulb. Malta was once described to us (inaccurately, I think) by an American expat as a "Third World country with a First World veneer." No, we won't be living in a cave, a tent or a lean-to.

3. Is Malta a part of Italy, France, or Spain?

At different times in its history, Malta has been part of the Italian, Spanish, and French kingdoms. But, Malta has been an independent nation, recongnized by the UN, since 1964. In May, 2004, it was added to the roster of European Union nations.

For 150 years before Independence Day, Malta was a British colony and remains to this day a part of the British Commonwealth (as does Australia and Canada). Many elements of British culture -- cuisine, red telephone boxes, pubs, 'full English breakfast', and postal pillars -- remain, perhaps even more so here in Malta than in Great Britain itself.

4. What language do they speak in Malta?

The native language is Malti (or, Maltese), which is a derivative of Arabic. That's partly why many Maltese cities have names like Gzira, Msida, and Rabat. Malta has two official languages, however, the other being English. Street signs in Valletta are in both languages. Up until 1934, Italian was (controversialy) the official language -- and Italian is still commonly spoken throughout Malta.

5. How big is Malta?

Malta is comprised of three islands (Malta, Gozo, and Comino) totaling 316sq km. That makes the Maltese islands about the size of Hilton Head Island or Martha's Vineyard, but with a population the size of Cincinnati (roughly 400,000 residents), making it one of the most densely populated nations in the world -- a misleading statistic, since much of Malta remains rural.

6. Is it a safe place?

Tourist promoters and real estate agents bill Malta as a "relatively crime-free Mediterranean island." Malta boasts the lowest crime rate of all European countries -- both East and West. Whereas in Cincinnati, the morning news will include one double-murder, two bank robberies, three rapes, four housefires (at least two  suspected arson), and five mini-mart hold-ups, in Malta you'll wake up to find who sprained his ankle while jogging on the promenade.

For those who are concerned that we might be victims of an earthquake, tsunami, or volcanic eruption, we have good news: there are no major fault lines and no volcanic activity in the Maltese islands. (We can go to Sicily for that). And recorded history makes no mention of any tsunamis making lanfall in the Mediterranean.

7. Isn't it hot there?

It's August right now -- and, yes, it's hot. But if you haven't noticed it's hot in Cincinnati, too -- and more humid there. August is the hottest month in Malta. Temp highs average 88-89 for highs and 72-73 for lows. The weather forcast is pretty much the same every day: Sunny. January is the coolest month, when temps range in the sixties.

8. Who are the Maltese? Are they kinda Italian?

The Maltese are a truly unique people – ethnically a mixture of Arab and Sicilian. Are they kinda Italian? Well, maybe in some ways. Are they Italian? Definitely not, although both Italy and Great Britain exert a tremendous influence over the Maltese. They are known as the most ‘laid-back’ of Mediterranean peoples and a recent survey (in the London Times, if I remember correctly) ranked them as the happiest people on earth. (Ireland came in seventh, just to give you an idea of the happiness scale).

 9. Why Malta?

We’ll just give you the short list: The weather, the people (friendly and happy), a homogenous common (Catholic) culture, relatively low cost of living (lower than in Cincinnati), Baroque architecture, medieval fortresses, beautiful churches, beaches, ferries, and (ah!) the sea. There’s just something psychologically right about being near the sea. On top of all that, there is no ragweed in Malta – and we’re hoping to be able to breathe freely here.

10. Are you working on a new book?

Yes. Think: Cheaper By the Dozen meets Under the Tuscan Sun.